Spiritual Awakening, Why all the Fuss?
For many years, I have worked within the spiritual movement. I was a director of a not for profit organisation that hosted spiritual author events and in that time, I helped organise around 1300 events. So, as you can imagine, I have heard a lot of people who are immersed in the spiritual field speak on a range of topics therein. I was quite a workshop junkie so outside of all this spiritual immersion I also attended many workshops, course and retreats. All of this began with a spiritual awakening some twenty years ago that changed my entire outlook on life and just about everything else. I will say more about this shortly but as an opener in this subject of awakening the greater context is what is happening on the planet now. We are going through a great shift in consciousness, one that will change how we live and interact here on planet earth. Yes this is a grand sweeping statement, one that I have written about in my book Personal Transitions
and in other blog posts so I do not want to repeat myself here. You can also listen to my podcast on Riding the Global Wave of Change
. In short, this shift will change the way we relate with nature, the way we treat non-human creatures on the planet, the way we live together, the way we love. All our current systems are up for change from education to money to politics to energy. This global shift in consciousness is necessary for the planet and humanity. This shift explains why so many are going through this process that we call spiritual awakening.
What is Spiritual Awakening?
So, what is spiritual awakening all about? The metaphor of awakening implies that the opposite also exists, that of sleeping. A person is asleep when they feel disconnected from their true self, when they are being run by an unaware ego. What this means is that such a person has no idea of the internal forces that are driving him or her. Such an individual will be moved by pleasure, pain, the judgements and opinions of others, their addictive behaviour, and any of the primary ego drivers such as the inner critic, the inner rule maker, the inner perfectionist, the inner pusher, the inner pleaser and so on. These inner selves form a gestalt of selves that we call the personality. This personality is determined by what is acceptable/not acceptable, allowed/not allowed and so on. This includes certain ideas/beliefs and certain emotions. What is not acceptable or allowed forms the shadow within a person. So for example someone who has a driven personality may not allow much relaxation or taking time out. Someone who is driven by pleasing others will find it hard to put themselves first. This gives the very briefest of glimpses into how someone asleep operates in the world. Someone operating from the personality level will have all kinds of mental and emotional barriers to the inner light or soul that wants to break through into the individual’s life. This inner light is reaching out to countless millions right now in an attempt to create a mass awakening on the planet. This light will tend to be resisted by the personality that wants to keep things in order and does not want anything major to rock the boat. When this inner light begins to push up against the personality it starts to awaken dormant ‘shadow’ forces that have been kept out of the loop. Some of these internal aspects may feel quite drawn to spirituality. For instance the inner child has an innate connection to the magic of life. If you take a moment to remember your own childhood you will find instances when you felt magically connected to something greater. I remember one Christmas playing in the snow and felt that the whole world was one big magical playground. A spiritual awakening starts to wake up such inner aspects and this will shake up our reality. As this happens we are no longer driven in the old way. We start to get in touch with our inner sensitivity/vulnerability and creativity/magic. This shakes up our thinking process. We start to question our beliefs about the world. The growing inner light begins to alter our psychology—the way we think, the way we feel and how we perceive the world and it forces us to address the important questions of existence. We start to ask questions such as: Why are we here? What do we want to do? What direction do we take? Where in the world do we truly belong? These run counter to the ego-centric questions, such as: How can I get more of what I want? How can I make more money? How can I climb the status ladder faster? We begin to explore a broader range of emotions. Actually our feelings/emotions are usually one of the first signs that an awakening is happening. We feel differently about things. We may start to be repelled by certain people/situations and attracted to new people/situations. As our connectivity to the inner light stabilises this helps to break the pattern of being driven by purely external forces. Meditation and solitude help this process. We feel empowered by a source that feels new and yet very familiar. This connects us to a greater emotional and spiritual intelligence. We start to feel and then hear the whispers of the soul. We access a gentle inner knowing and in time come to trust it. This helps us take new steps in the world. We begin to explore outside our familiarity zone. We experiment and find out what this inner light wants us to do differently in the world. Spiritual awakening is a uniquely personal experience and can be easy, graceful and beautiful or it can be challenging and very difficult. All awakenings come on this spectrum and even the most beautiful will have elements of challenge and even the most difficult offer elements of beauty. .
There are Beautiful Awakenings
In 1991 I began a beautiful awakening. Like the lotus that arises out of the mud it began with a painful situation, the death of my father. I remember leaving the hospital after he died thinking “there must be more to life than this”. That thought was the crack that the light poured through and over the next 6 months I began a process of exploration which led me to a crystal healer who opened me up and then pointed the way to my first spiritual teacher, Gill Edwards. I read her book Living Magically
several times and the words on the page affected me in ways hard to describe. I felt parts of me wake up and wave me on. I was on a new and exciting track. There were challenges since my first wife did not much like the changes in me she was noticing. Within a couple of years we were divorced, which was very challenging because we had two young children aged 9 and 13. I met new soul friends and started volunteering with a spiritual organisation. I explored magic, shamanism and metaphysics. I trained with Gill Edwards for several years and this helped to deepen my trust in my inner light and guidance. The only area not aligned with spirit was my work and in ’97 I resigned from my job in local government and decided to follow the guidance of my heart. This led me to working for the spiritual organisation and by 2000 I was appointed a director and here I stayed for the next 13 years. This journey led me to writing about the nature of work and spirituality in my book The Enlightenment of Work
. So during this time I had played with the idea that we create our reality and it really worked. The concept being that the outer world is a mirror of our inner world of thoughts, beliefs, emotions, and choices. Most of us look outside to change our life circumstances. This was a different way of initiating change, make the shift on the inside first, then take action in line with your inner guidance second. This is the magical way and the more I experimented the more I experienced both small and big miracles. If you are interested in this approach you can read my blog post on High Frequency Living
and Quantum Reality Creation
. This experience of working magically became more consistent over time. In 1998 I met my second long term partner and in 2000 she left her native Italy and came to London. My life had shifted from being a daily slog to a grand adventure. I felt my heart and whole being open to more light. I understood synchronicity and flow, not from an intellectual level but from a daily experience. I felt connected to a wonderful sense of wholeness and divine grace which in just a few short years had put me on a whole new direction in my life. I wrote a few books and had them published. I trained in coaching which I really enjoyed. I trained in some amazing energy clearing/healing techniques. I began to give public talks and ran workshops and retreats. I began offering 121 sessions. Looking back
I felt I had awakened from a bad dream. I had fallen in love with the world and my life. Everything seemed possible. I was learning and growing. Life became my learning ground. My steps felt guided by unseen hands of light.
There are Difficult Awakenings
The awakening in 1991 set me on a course that lasted for about twenty years. This was an amazing period. Towards the end of this I was living with someone I loved and I was doing work that I loved. But there was a growing sense of unease that began to increase around 2006. I had hit an impasse, I was not really growing anymore. I felt by this time that I had heard and seen it all. I had become ‘spiritually arrogant’.My cup was full and there was no room for any new insights, wisdom or experiences. I had the sense that something was not quite right and tried a number of avenues to sort it out. I tried healing, coaching, changing aspects of my work, going on retreat. Nothing really shifted these feeling of unease. 2009 began a number of painful physical issues that continued for the whole year. One of these was a painful back problem that began after a game of squash. I felt there was a problem in my relationship and tried to discuss it but did not get very far. Then, in 2010 it was all taken out of my hands, another awakening unexpectedly erupted in my life, this time the trigger was a Tantric meditation. This was unexpected because I had done this meditation many times over the years without anything major happening. This time something very different happened. I felt an explosion of energy in my lower body which continued for some time. It was as if I was standing on shaky ground but the shaking came from inside. This continued for some months very intensively and left me feeling very discombobulated. It was later when I decided to write about this awakening that I came to understand that I had gone through some form of kundalini experience. This was the catalyst for everything to fall apart which led me into a dark, volatile period of my life. Everything was stripped away, relationship, home, and my work. I resigned as a director of the spiritual organisation and stopped running events. As you can imagine this stripped away the unreal and the superfluous and pushed me out of my familiarity/safety zones. Saying this was a confusing and chaotic time is putting it mildly. My life was turned inside out and upside down. I went through a profound period of grief and sense of meaninglessness as the awakening process continued to do its work. Here old wounds surfaced for healing and integration and I became very sensitive to certain energies and situations. On a couple of occasions the psychic pain was so great and dark that I considered ending my life. I remember standing on the banks of the river Thames thinking it would be an easy matter to jump in and end it all. Yet there was still a glimmer of hope within me that stopped me. So I continued going through the motions. I felt I had reentered the bad dream. But I was not the same. I felt more vulnerable in the world. I found it hard to be around loud or aggressive people. I found it hard being near crowds or too much noise. With all the internal emotional volatility my intuition stopped working. This was very hard because just at the time I needed it most it simply was not there. I no longer felt guided along the path. I felt a crisis of faith in spirit. I felt I had come so far and had fallen from grace. My energy fields were so volatile that I began blowing up electrical devices. This process was quite intense for about 3 years and then began to ease. However, it took 5-6 years to really come out of the process. Now on the other side everything has changed and I find myself in quite a different reality. As you can read this has not been an easy process and it is not one I would choose to go through again. On the other side of such an intense experience I felt I could access my intuition and connection to spirit once again. This time the connection felt stronger and I no longer took this for granted. My old life had been shipwrecked but I was on a new shoreline and here I found a whole new level of creativity, insight, manifestation, adventure and spiritual service. In 2016 I starting offering workshops and other events. I also started offering 121 sessions in a new healing system I had created called Soul Matrix Healing. This is really a synergy of a number of healing and transformational modalities. So coming back to the subject in hand, if you are going through an awakening now do not worry you are not alone. There is plenty of information on this subject through books, the internet which was not available a few decades ago. The more you can embrace and accept your awakening process the better. There is more that I could say but you are welcome to contact me if you have any questions on this subject.
Blessings, Steve Ahnael Nobel.
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